Car Free by 2012

I have been waiting everyday since Sq was born to take him on his first bike ride.  We finally did it the day after Tgiving. Because I am paranoid our first ride was short and slow and I road along side the bike trailer.  He did great, he loved much more than riding in our miserable car that leaks genuine Oregon rain and quality 10w30 all over our driveway.  I figure we will be car free by 2012.

Sleepy Squirrel

Sleep deprivation.   Squirrel just started an interrupted sleep pattern, no me likey.  George is teaching me some age-old parenting tips on getting Squirrel to sleep deeper and longer.  George started a night time routine that isn't rigid but follows something like reading, lullaby, oil massage, diaper change, pajamas, feed, lullaby, sleep.  We turned out the lights in the bedroom.  It is a quiet place during bedtime.  No talking.  No more netflix.  I work on the computer in the office and let Squirrel sleep alone until I am ready for bed.  I don't like structure very much, but I do like sleep so it is a trade off.  We will see what I get. 

I have been reading the No Cry Sleep Solution.  I like it because it provides advice that doesn't include letting your baby cry ever, not for a minute.  I can support parents who chose to use the "cry it out" method, I just don't want to do it.  In this book they talk about how the problem might be a parent who likes night wakings.  And, I think she is talking about me.  I cherish watching Squirrel in the middle of the night, sleeping, watching is little chest rise and fall.  I love when he grabs my hand and holds it close to his chest. However the author, advises mothers/parents like me to let go of those night wakings and to focus on keeping that baby asleep in the dark room that remains quiet. 

focus focus focus

Everyday seems to be a whirlwind of the thoughts and to do lists but I thought of taking a moment to write this blog because while I was plugging through my emails I felt little Squirrel's arm sneak around my arm.  We were arm and arm for a bit while he slept.  It was precious.  Then I opened up blogger to document this sweet moment, only to get distracted on a score of other sites. And now I am too tired to write.

As if nothing else matters

I am so connected to my little Squirrel, emotionally, spiritually and physically.  Squirrel stopped eating as much when he got sick a couple of days ago, and now for the last two days he has been eating non-stop.  I have been enjoying my time breastfeeding.  It has kept me grounded and connected to my little man while he recovers but, I feel old.  Not in a feeling sorry for myself sort a way, it is more of an artistic observation.  I was holding Squirrels hand and I couldn't help but to notice how weathered and wrinkly my hands were against his.  They looked dark and dingy upon his sweet milky soft phalanges. My hands are dry and cracked, like grown up hands.  I wonder when did I become an adult.  I still feel like feel like a teenager sometimes and I probably act like one too.

Skin.  Today while at the gym my Group Power instructors shirt creeped up, just slightly exposing her belly. I was intrigued.  She, being a mother, had a flawless very fit belly.  Mine on the other hand is marked deeply by my journey into motherhood.  I talk about this more because I am in awe, then I am upset about how marred my belly is from pregnancy.  I am not upset because I never appreciated my abdomen in the first place.  I always thought I was too fat, and always look back thinking "gosh, I was so beautiful why didn't I appreciate myself then"  Note to self "you are beautiful appreciate being in your skin.  now." 

Last night I had 4 hours of sleep.  I had the most productive day.  I actually got a couple of things done.  It is amazing how easy it is to let go of all the things that need immediate attention in exchange to hold my baby and watch him smile.  It is as if nothing else matters.