As if nothing else matters

I am so connected to my little Squirrel, emotionally, spiritually and physically.  Squirrel stopped eating as much when he got sick a couple of days ago, and now for the last two days he has been eating non-stop.  I have been enjoying my time breastfeeding.  It has kept me grounded and connected to my little man while he recovers but, I feel old.  Not in a feeling sorry for myself sort a way, it is more of an artistic observation.  I was holding Squirrels hand and I couldn't help but to notice how weathered and wrinkly my hands were against his.  They looked dark and dingy upon his sweet milky soft phalanges. My hands are dry and cracked, like grown up hands.  I wonder when did I become an adult.  I still feel like feel like a teenager sometimes and I probably act like one too.

Skin.  Today while at the gym my Group Power instructors shirt creeped up, just slightly exposing her belly. I was intrigued.  She, being a mother, had a flawless very fit belly.  Mine on the other hand is marked deeply by my journey into motherhood.  I talk about this more because I am in awe, then I am upset about how marred my belly is from pregnancy.  I am not upset because I never appreciated my abdomen in the first place.  I always thought I was too fat, and always look back thinking "gosh, I was so beautiful why didn't I appreciate myself then"  Note to self "you are beautiful appreciate being in your skin.  now." 

Last night I had 4 hours of sleep.  I had the most productive day.  I actually got a couple of things done.  It is amazing how easy it is to let go of all the things that need immediate attention in exchange to hold my baby and watch him smile.  It is as if nothing else matters.